is finally over :)
so far, every night I have a ton of energy and want to create and finish projects.
i made an epic cuff today for nocturnal and put glow in the dark stars & planets around the outside.
throughout this cleanse I have really started to miss my family.
and think that i'm making a huge mistake not being in their lives right now.
today was the first day of grouse season.
and i know a lot of people aren't the most fond of hunting.
but hear me out; it's an amazing experience.
to crunch through the woods on ground that is rarely graced with humans' presence.
to watch my pup do what she truly lives for.
to be in the wilderness. the true wilderness.
and i can't lie it is a bit gratifying to shoot a bird. believe me, it's not easy.
and i've missed many times.
but how much better quality meat could you have? these birds are living off of the land, the way they are supposed to. no hormones, no tight quarters. just living like they only know how.
and i completely understand the other side and know why people have negative views on hunting.
and i respect that.
my family and i are respectful and responsible hunters.
thanks to my daddio and his father and so on.
where was i going with this?
ohyeah.
so today was the first day of grouse season and i'm super bummed i missed it.
my dog is 10 now and it hit me that she probably doesn't have many years left of hunting.
which suxxxx.
thankfully shes still in great health.
i also think about my parents getting old a lot. and i hate it.
and i also think about all of the loving life-long friends i have in the minnesota and michigan.
and i came out here to just live and do it and figure out who i am.
and i think i may have done so.
got my first "real" job...if you'd call it that.
put myself out there and had a few internships.
(i have an interview on tuesday for a new job btw)
met tons of people and have made great relationships.
but i think i've kind of realized...and maybe i'm just being delusional,
but i think that i'm meant to be at home. and be normal.
I just want to be normal.
i don't want to be a badass, i don't want to get wasted, or have dysfunctional relationships.
i dont even want to have plugs in my ears.
I just want to be a pleasant, stable, healthy person.
drink casually, eat to live, have long brown hair, and workout and run races.
have real, lasting relationships with people that i truly care about.
respect myself and attract similar minded people.
BACK TO THE CLEANSE
Today was bad. Morning salt water made me feel like shit again.
I think i'm going to wait to drink my concoction a while after the salt water instead of immediately. (although i'm so hungry in the morning)
laid down for a while after that.
I thought about quitting many times today. but couldn't bring myself to do it.
the heat couldn't have come at a better time...
i spent the day inside again. went to michael's to get beads n things and thats it.
bitched a lot.
smelled charlie's sandwich and suzanne's pizza.
smelled my greek yogurt in the fridge and it smelled very delicious.
i prepared a mango yesterday for suzanne and it was great.
the want for food isn't just for satisfaction or to conquer hunger.
it's just the act of chewing (of course)
and just the thought process of what you're going to make everyday.
it's very odd. food is a huge part of existence.
i think that is enough.
day 5, i will see you en la manana.
<3
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